Jay's world will change forever at the end of July!!!
Thursday, December 6, 2012
SLEEPING
For the last three weeks, Jay has not slept for more than 30 minutes at a stretch. To say that we are all sleep-deprived is the understatement of the century; I haven't had more than three hours total sleep a night in three weeks. This last week, things came to a head with Matt and I both getting sick - he had a bad cold, and I had a 24-hour stomach bug that has taken me a week to recover from. Thursday night I reached my wall with Jay; I was up with him 15 times while still fighting a fever and I knew that it was the last night I could do this. I was done.
I have tried everything imaginable to avoid making him "cry it out". I slept in his room on the floor for two weeks to pat him down every time he woke up. I've put him in warmer jammies and cooler jammies. I've tried co-sleeping (he's way too excited to be in the no-no room to sleep). I've fed him an extra meal right before bed. I've even given him Tylenol and Benadryl -- doctor-approved dosages, of course, and he is teething. Nothing, absolutely nothing has even come close to working. But still I've resisted making him cry it out because article after article that I've read has promised me that it will turn my happy, affectionate baby into a sullen shell of his former self: that his brain will regress into that of a baby who was neglected and raised in an orphanage, abandoned and unable to make human attachments; that he will never let me hold him again, that he will stop making eye contact; and worst of all, that he will develop mental illness as an adult directly because of this. I've had visions of him curled in a fetal position in the corner, rocking back and forth and mumbling to himself. I have been nothing less than terrified of letting him cry. But after Thursday night, I knew I had absolutely no other options.
I decided that I wasn't going to go cold-turkey with making him sleep all night; that I would start with him only getting nursed back to sleep at midnight, three, and five. Months ago, when he was sleeping better, these were the times he typically woke up. Then later, I'd working on eliminating one night feeding at a time until he was sleeping through the night. I also decided that when he woke up crying, I'd go in and hug him and lay him back down and tell him I loved him, so that he wouldn't just be waking up and thinking he was all alone. But then I would let him cry until the times I had decided. I also decided I wasn't going to worry about his terrible napping habits yet (if Matt puts him down, he'll sleep in his crib for 30 minutes, but will only sleep for me in the car).
Before I put him to bed last night, I fed him as much as he would eat, dressed him in the jammies I thought would be best, gave him Tylenol for teething and Benadryl (which again, hasn't worked for sleeping before) for his runny nose. I rocked him and made him nurse for almost an hour -- I kept touching his face to make him drink more, even after he fell asleep. And the whole time he nursed, I prayed and prayed and prayed. And I heard something. Some would say I had a "word from the Lord" -- I don't know if it was that, or if God just helped me to realize something. But suddenly, I had the thought "God loves Jay more than I do." And I realized that if I so desperately want what is best for Jay, how much more does God want what is best for him? And even though I know what is best for Jay -- sleeping -- my human limits simply cannot force that to happen for him. But God created Jay with the need for sleep, and He has the ability to give him sleep. I felt so much peace after that, and went to bed knowing that God would take care of my little boy through the night, and would protect his little mind from the "evils" of crying.
Jay slept for an hour (his longest sleep in three weeks), then woke up, and Matt patted him back to sleep. Jay then woke up at, get ready for it: MIDNIGHT, THREE, AND FIVE O'CLOCK! I still just can't believe it. To the minute! OK, he actually woke up at 4:58, but I'm counting it!
This is one of those moments where I would build a monument to remember God's faithfulness. If God is going to take care of Jay's sleeping, he is going to take care of him in all the other things.
***
It's three weeks later, and we aren't sleeping through the night yet, but we're doing better! He does have to cry sometimes, but it's getting less and less and he's sleeping better and better.
I have tried everything imaginable to avoid making him "cry it out". I slept in his room on the floor for two weeks to pat him down every time he woke up. I've put him in warmer jammies and cooler jammies. I've tried co-sleeping (he's way too excited to be in the no-no room to sleep). I've fed him an extra meal right before bed. I've even given him Tylenol and Benadryl -- doctor-approved dosages, of course, and he is teething. Nothing, absolutely nothing has even come close to working. But still I've resisted making him cry it out because article after article that I've read has promised me that it will turn my happy, affectionate baby into a sullen shell of his former self: that his brain will regress into that of a baby who was neglected and raised in an orphanage, abandoned and unable to make human attachments; that he will never let me hold him again, that he will stop making eye contact; and worst of all, that he will develop mental illness as an adult directly because of this. I've had visions of him curled in a fetal position in the corner, rocking back and forth and mumbling to himself. I have been nothing less than terrified of letting him cry. But after Thursday night, I knew I had absolutely no other options.
I decided that I wasn't going to go cold-turkey with making him sleep all night; that I would start with him only getting nursed back to sleep at midnight, three, and five. Months ago, when he was sleeping better, these were the times he typically woke up. Then later, I'd working on eliminating one night feeding at a time until he was sleeping through the night. I also decided that when he woke up crying, I'd go in and hug him and lay him back down and tell him I loved him, so that he wouldn't just be waking up and thinking he was all alone. But then I would let him cry until the times I had decided. I also decided I wasn't going to worry about his terrible napping habits yet (if Matt puts him down, he'll sleep in his crib for 30 minutes, but will only sleep for me in the car).
Before I put him to bed last night, I fed him as much as he would eat, dressed him in the jammies I thought would be best, gave him Tylenol for teething and Benadryl (which again, hasn't worked for sleeping before) for his runny nose. I rocked him and made him nurse for almost an hour -- I kept touching his face to make him drink more, even after he fell asleep. And the whole time he nursed, I prayed and prayed and prayed. And I heard something. Some would say I had a "word from the Lord" -- I don't know if it was that, or if God just helped me to realize something. But suddenly, I had the thought "God loves Jay more than I do." And I realized that if I so desperately want what is best for Jay, how much more does God want what is best for him? And even though I know what is best for Jay -- sleeping -- my human limits simply cannot force that to happen for him. But God created Jay with the need for sleep, and He has the ability to give him sleep. I felt so much peace after that, and went to bed knowing that God would take care of my little boy through the night, and would protect his little mind from the "evils" of crying.
Jay slept for an hour (his longest sleep in three weeks), then woke up, and Matt patted him back to sleep. Jay then woke up at, get ready for it: MIDNIGHT, THREE, AND FIVE O'CLOCK! I still just can't believe it. To the minute! OK, he actually woke up at 4:58, but I'm counting it!
This is one of those moments where I would build a monument to remember God's faithfulness. If God is going to take care of Jay's sleeping, he is going to take care of him in all the other things.
***
It's three weeks later, and we aren't sleeping through the night yet, but we're doing better! He does have to cry sometimes, but it's getting less and less and he's sleeping better and better.
Sweet Memories: Shoes and Socks
Jay learned the word "shoe" last weekend, and he's perfect at it: he recognizes all of our shoes, whether sandals or tennis shoes or boots, and calls them all shoes.
Yesterday, when he fell asleep in the car, I snuck some socks on his feet. When he woke up, he pointed to them and said "shoe!" I told him, "No, those are socks. We wear socks under our shoes."
He looked at me with an expression of complete seriousness, and said, "wow."
Yesterday, when he fell asleep in the car, I snuck some socks on his feet. When he woke up, he pointed to them and said "shoe!" I told him, "No, those are socks. We wear socks under our shoes."
He looked at me with an expression of complete seriousness, and said, "wow."
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